If I ever take over the world, one of the first things I am going to do is introduce the “Correctional Officers Get Off Your Ass and Do Some Work Act (of 2007, 2008 or whatever year I seize control)”
For some reason that may be my lack of charm or lack of grit, whenever I go to jail to see a client there must be some special signal that makes the officers delay bringing my client down to see me. It could be 8:00 am on a Sunday, no one else there and my client in the next booth, but for some reason it takes 2 hours for the guard to walk 5 feet over to let him in to talk to me.
Today I went to the jail at about 1:00 pm, ready with a crossword puzzle and a sudoku from the paper. One hour goes by, nothing. Then two other attorneys show up, have their clients brought in within 5 minutes. Two more attorneys show up and their clients are immediately brought down. I am beginning to feel more and more like the last kid to get picked at kickball, watching all the better athletes pass me by.
After about two hours, I have finished the crossword and the sudoku and find myself reading the bridge hand section. (I haven’t played bridge since college and can barely remember how it works. Back in 1995 the main goal of bridge was to get Anne Halsey to go on a date with me, so you can imagine how much I remember about the actual game). I finally go back down to the desk officer and it goes something like this:
Me: “Do you know when my client will be down”
Officer (playing computer pool and totally lining up the shot wrong): “I called, so shortly”
Me: “You called two hours ago, what’s shortly”
Officer (missing the shot on computer pool): “Well shortly”
Me: “Is there anyone who can help get him down here?”
Officer: “You wanna talk to a supervisor?”
Ahh the supervisor, now my heart leaps at the idea of someone in charge getting down here to help me out. Unfortunately, apparently the only difference between the supervising officer and the desk officer is that the supervisor says my client will be down “soon” rather than “shortly.” Such are the perks of authority.
After about 3 hours, having exhausted the paper, contemplated the meaning of life, wondering whether the officer was contemplating the meaning of life, trying to calculate pi to a ridiculous decimal and deciding that maybe Starbuck was really the 5th Cylon, they bring in my client.
After about ten minutes he decided that he didn’t want to talk about the case anymore because it was getting close to food time and told me to come see him tomorrow. I said I wasn’t going to do that given my schedule, so I agreed to meet him over the weekend.
On the way out, the desk officer said “Are you done already? That was a long wait to talk to him (client) that little?”
Indeed.
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3 comments:
I have some corrections:
(less important)you have played bridge since 1995. We played with Mom and Whitney in 2005 or 2006.
(more important) you are charming. Yes, I'm your sister, but my opinion is mostly unbiased.
Awesome entry. It reminds me of trying to get a drivers license in DC or get a Rx filled at a DC CVS (any branch). But, oh, that's right, someone's life hangs in the balence.
Blaze on, Jordo, blaze on.
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