We Laugh in the Face of Danger ---- Then Run and Hide until It Goes Away

Watching TV yesterday morning, we saw shots of protesters outside the government buildings in Bangkok. It seemed awfully civilized when we were watching, with everyone kind of standing around and sipping water. At one point, it looked like a protester and a police officer were sharing water. We made up dialogue for them: "What are you doing for lunch? I'm thinking Pad Thai." "I'd come but I have to refill my tear gas canister. Maybe dinner?"

"Pshaw," we said. "This is not an uprising." Jordan noted that he would only start to worry if 1) someone died or 2) they were lighting cars on fire. "Learn from our people!" we shouted to the calm rioters on TV.

(What's going on: The government has been shaky since 2006, when the then-Prime Minister was ousted in a coup and accused of corruption and abuse of power. He is now in London to avoid trial. The first man who replaced him was accused of simply being a proxy and members of the People's Alliance for Democracy (PAD) took up occupancy outside government buildings six weeks ago and pledged to stay there until that man was removed from office. A court did that in September, but then the protesters were further pissed off when Parliament elected the bad former PM's brother-in-law as the new PM, and if you think people were shouting "conflict of interest" before, now they're bellowing it. According to The Washington Post, "The People's Alliance for Democracy include royalists, wealthy and middle-class urban residents and union activists, all of whom feel threatened by political and social change. ... The alliance claims Thailand's electoral system is susceptible to vote-buying, and that the rural majority, the [supporters of the original Prime Minister are] not sophisticated enough to cast ballots responsibly.") (A time line of events can be found here: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/10/07/AR2008100701425.html)

So last night, as you may recall, we'd planned to go to Rama V's statue for our pilgrimage -- and to check out the scene, since the Parliament was nearby, even though Tim said, "Do not go up there. Too dangerous. For me." (We were sitting in the backseat and I didn't respond to this and Jordo side mouthed, "We're going, aren't we." I nodded, "Of course.") She told us how perceived danger was driving away tourists, and tourism is the country's biggest industry.

BUT, when we tried to take a taxi from our hotel to that area, we were told no driver would get close because it was too close to the "mob," as everyone kept calling it.

This morning, we get to breakfast and pick up the Bangkok Post and it's all, "Brink of Anarchy!" Two people died, there was a picture of a car on fire, and some other people had lost limbs, including a man who allegedly had a bomb in his pocket that he was not happy to see. Tear gas had been used. Protesters were determined to interrupt the new PM's first speech to Parliament, blocking the building and refusing to let the members leave. PM, target of so much outrage, climbed over a fence to escape.

Uh oh.

So of course, we had to go to the government center.

We had to lie a bit to get there: We told our driver we wanted to go to the boxing stadium not far away. Driving along the main street, there were a few uniformed officers standing around, but they did not inspire worry or fear since 1) I outweigh every Thai woman and 2) I outweigh about half of the Thai men. (They are tiny! My monstrous American body would shrug off their attempts to club me. ) Plus, Jordo noted earlier when we saw soldiers at the airport that their guns didn't have clips.

So we get dropped off at the stadium. As our driver pulled away, Jordo was like, "Wait until he's out of sight. We don't want him to think we lied to him." Meanwhile, driver, happily speeding away with bhat in hand, never looking back at two dumb Yankees who are looking for trouble.)

So the mob scene: Today, it was anything but. In fact, it was one of the cleanest, calmest protests that I'd ever seen.

Since people have been camped out here since August, they have sleeping areas roped off, people cooking food and giving it away for free, vendors selling t-shirts, and massive amounts of bottled water. Many people were wearing their yellow PAD t-shirts and just hanging out, talking quietly. We were greeted with smiles and allowed to take pictures whenever we asked -- One man, noting that we had just taken a picture of a door mat imprinted with a "Wanted" poster and images of the former PM and his wife, gestured us back for another photo that featured his feet near their heads. There was a featured speaker in a separate area -- we were allowed in after a quick pat for weapons -- and the loudest people got was when they agreed with something she said and they rattled their plastic clapping hands like the ones people use at sporting events.

In one area, we saw police riot gear just lying about, as if the police had said, "Hey, do you guys mind if we store this here in case we need it later? It's a bitch to drag these shields around." I saw one man that appeared injured -- he had a bandage across his nose-- but it's unknown how that happened or if it even had anything to do with this situation.

But honestly, walking here and seeing this? It felt real. We'd gone to an area of the city for dinner last night that felt like Bourbon Street and it was icky and fake and filled with tourists like us. The scene around the government center was real life, whether we liked it or not.

And when you're in one part of the city, say near our hotel or at any of the monuments, you don't know bad things are happening elsewhere. Maybe people are talking about it in the streets and we just don't know it beause we don't speak the language, but I don't think so. Jordo and I were wondering if there'd been similar deadly protests on Capital Hill, would people in Georgetown act differently? You would think so.

We were told many times before coming here about how friendly Thais are and it's been true, to the point that we paranoid Americans are always like, "What's the angle? Why is this guy talking to us in the street? What does he want?" Most of the time, it seems, he/they want nothing more than to be friendly and help. We found that same welcoming spirit among the protesters.

Of course, later in the afternoon, multiple dudes tried to scam us and we got into a cab where the driver faked a break down after going around in a circle since we wouldn't agree to let him take us on a longer guided tour and then demanded money (He got less than $1), but we still believe most people are good-hearted. Let's see what tomorrow brings.

Aside: Jordo suggested I name the future country that I rule as Queen, "Natistan." I am considering it. I like the idea of "Natistanis."

Day 2

OKay now finally on some sort of schedule that doesn't involve waking up at 5 am and then wanting to sleep all day. Spent the day touring the grand palace and riding the river on a boat. Got caught in the rain in the middle of the river.

Bangkok is hot hot hot. Ninety degrees before 10 am. This is great for Natalie, who really would love to live in Northern Sweatlandia. Not so good for myself, as if I don't get back into A/C every two hours or so I will turn into a pool of salt water.


Side note, I am on day 3 of election detox. Before I left I promised myself and Natalie that I wouldn't obsessively read blogs or poll websites. So far so good. Palin could have singlehandedly stopped the financial meltdown and captured Bin Laden and I would have no idea (if that didn't happen please don't tell me, I can save the grieving until I get back).

Some thoughts:

1. Man the Thai King loves to see himself in photos. Except we finally saw a present day photo and maaan has the king let himself go. Sort of like only knowing Al Pacino from "Scarface" and then seeing Al Pacino in "88 Minutes."

2. You can't walk 50 feet without finding some good small food vendor. The best part is that the food on the street runs the gamut from grilled vegetables to fresh fruit to fried chicken. Clearly I am leaning on the latter vendors.

3. I can't pass other tourists without thinking "I wonder if they are on a sex tour." I can't pass a tourist walking alone without thinking "that person is definitely on a sex tour."

4. I brought too many pairs of shorts. Only schoolkids or guys working construction wear shorts. I feel like an ass.

5. Bangkok traffic is a lot like Philadelphia, but with waaayy fewer stop lights and a lot more of those little pocket bikes that got banned from here.

Royalty

Throughout Bangkok, you see photos -- some billboard size -- of the king and queen. The King, the 9th of his line, is the longest reigning monarch in the world and is, according to our tour guide, quite beloved.

Still, in some cases, you would have thought he would have chosen better photos of himself to display. And maybe he could crack a smile once in a while, unless he, like Dwight Schrute, thinks bearing teeth is a sign of weakness. (I told Jordo that when I am Queen of Nataland, I will definitely have total control of which photos of me are displayed. In fact, I'm sure there will be quite a few incidents where my people come to me and say, 'Queen Natalie, all of those photos of you look just like actress Anne Hathaway. In fact, I will wager those are Anne Hathaway. Surely there is some mistake?" Then I will have that person beheaded as a symbol to all to not question the !ueen. If she wants to pretend she's Anne Hathaway, so be it. It's like the Emperor's new clothes. You just go with it.)

We had a fabulous day yesterday with Tim, our guide, who took us on a tour of the Grand Palace and filled us in on all things royal. We walked through a museum of royal relics, including ancient betel nut containers since, at one time, it was believed white teeth were for animals and the royal humans liked chewing this narcotic nut until their mouths were red and their teeth turned black. (Jordo had this in India and I was up for trying it until he described the constant spitting that goes along with it. ) We saw robes of real gold and jewels galore, all made more interesting by the presence of Tim. (My travel opinion : I'm a big believer in guided tours, even when you go to a museum to see an exhibit, get the audio headset. It's so much more enriching.)

One thing I noticed: When Tim talked about the King, it was with the fondness and respect one uses to describe a grandfather. "Our King," she's day, proudly boasting of his accomplishments like he was part of her family. In English, he is Rama IX, which is fortuitous as 9 is a lucky number in Thailand. (In your face, 7!) She had the same familiarity and affection in her voice when discussing Kings of the past, noting how Rama IV, 5 generations ago, negotiated with Europe to ensure Thailand in the one country in SE Asia that was never colonized. (That's the King featured in "The King and I," although he is not bald and Yul Brenner-like in museum images.) Another King, Rama V, now worshipped as a quasi-God, liked cigars and the color pink, thus those paying homage to him bring those items to his statue weekly.

Even dress is determined by the Kings, in a way. We were on a commuter boat and I noticed a lot of people were wearing yellow shirts. It was clearly not a school group as some were old, some young, and none of the shirts matched. So I asked Tim. Yellow was worn on Mondays, she explained, out of respect to the current king, who was born on a Monday. The practice started about 10 years ago to mark his birthday. (It was his 70th, I think.) Tuesday was a day to wear pink, as the past King I mentioned above was born on a Tuesday. Every day has a color to honor a past royal. (This Tuesday morning, Jordo and I noticed a ton of pink shirts going by -- and one or two yellow ones, prompting J to say, "Look at them, doing their yellow walk of shame.") (I guess during my reign, people will wear a lot of black. Or, to make myself look better, I'll make the common folks were ridiculously bright colors.)

Tim also knew the King and Queen's birthdays -- hers August 12 and his December 5 -- and talked about the celebrations surrounding those days. The King's sister died earlier this year but her final resting ceremony has been postponed until the end of rainy system. Tim told us how every day, monks from around the country come to the Grand Palace to pray for her. On the front page of the Bangkok Post this morning, was a photo of an elaborate gold ship on a float, going down the street, bearing the sister's ashes.

Tonight, we will go to the ceremony for V. We will be bringing him cigars and pink flowers.

Gotta go buy some silk, or at least look at it. More later!

Quick background information for those who asked: We are in Thailand and Vietnam until the end of October on a delayed honeymoon. We booked a lot of things through a travel agent, meaning we have people meeting us at the airports in Bangkok, Phuket, Hanoi, Hue and Hoi Chi Min City. Stylin'.

One Sleepless Night in Bangkok

After the monstrous 14 hour flight to Tokyo, we arrived to find our connecting flight to Bangkok delayed. Six hours in the International Section of the Narita Airport, here we go:

1. There were 4,300 different duty free shops, 50% of which had the same name and seemed to be selling the same brand name things (cigarettes, alcohol, cosmetics).

2. In one hour I think I spent rougly $500 dollars on ice coffee trying to get myself on schedule for Thai time and avoid jetlag. I have had this problem before with currency that starts at like 100 something per dollar. All of a sudden I think it is 1,000 something per dollar and start thinking I am getting the greatest deal on the planet. Then I realize later I am not. The last time this happened I paid $20 for oatmeal in italy. As there was neither gold nor cocaine in the oatmeal, it was definitely not a good deal.

3. Normally I like to buy a crappy thriller to read on the plane. Normally I read it all the way through. They are never very good, but at least it kills the time and is vaguely interesting. This is the first time that I ever had to throw it away. Thanks, author of "The Sanctuary" (I can't even remember his name now). You totally suck.

4. At least five people on our flight were sex tourists. I am positive.

Right now we are sitting in an internet cafe surrounded by high schoolers all playing some linked in dungeons and dragons game. Don't they have school or something?

One Night in Bangkok

We made it. (Tricia, stop worrying. You can look at the internet and watch the news again now.) The flight was fine, just a little long, especially as we had to wait 6 hours in Tokyo for our connecting flight to Bangkok. Some kind of delay, but don't ask us what kind as we couldn't read a thing.

We got in around midnight, met by a guide holding a sign with our names. We then made her pose with the sign and my stuffed 34-year-old Snoopy bean bag, who is playing "Flat Stanley" or "Travelocity Gnome" for this trip.

Big day ahead. More later, but we just wanted everyone to know we're fine! So excited to be here!
NXP

Completely random: Jordan would like to send the following message to the Facebook world: If you send another Lil' Green Patch request, he will kill you. However, in the interest of being green, he will compost your body.

In case of emergency....

We're going to keep Jordan's phone operational when overseas but people should call us ONLY IF THERE IS AN EMERGENCY since it costs $3,000 a minute to talk there. (Or $3. Something like that.) Just remember: What you think is an emergency might not be something I consider an emergency.

A guideline:

EXAMPLE 1: Our house burns down. The cats are OK.
RULING: This is NOT an emergency.
If the house is gone, the house is gone. Telling us we've lost all of our worldly goods won't bring them back and would only ruin our trip. Take the cats to your house and give them treats and love. Save your Debbie Downer update until you pick us up from the airport.

EXAMPLE 2: Our house burns down. The cats are NOT OK.
RULING: This is NOT an emergency.
Because we are never going to know the cats aren't OK. Your job is to now find exact replacement cats and fast. Good luck finding a grouch like Bourre, a needy cuddle slut like Rocky and and a Lady Licks-A-Lot like Spike.

EXAMPLE 3: Some sort of professional or personal humiliation befalls someone we don't like; not fatal but amusing.
RULING: This is NOT an emergency BUT you must email details immediately. Perhaps send a text alerting us so we can run to an internet cafe.

EXAMPLE 4: A bizarre Bermuda Triangle accident causes the disappearance of the following major league baseball teams: Red Sox, White Sox, Blue Jays, Angels, Mariners, Rays, Orioles, Twins, Tigers, Rangers, Indians, A's, and Royals. The New York Yankees, the sole surviving AL team, are forced to represent the league in the World Series.
RULING: This IS an emergency.
Call immediately. Have a game schedule handy. Buy tickets if you can.

NXP

GETTNG BACK INTO THE GAME

Hello Internets, long time no see.

Since we are going back on the road we figured it would be a good idea to put the mass e-mails back up here.

Here's hoping they have beignets in Thailand.